At 16 I easily was attracted by the “New Age” and am past the Personal development stage and now into the Age of Enlightenment and the revelation that ‘WE ARE ONE’.
For the last 2 years I have been working with the ‘effects’ of SHAME. Buried deep within the vulnerability of this be-ing I hold much pain from arrows skilfully arched into my heart.
These wounds to my heart started very early in my life with every moment of attention I received whether it be loving or shaming, the attention of unacceptance hurt the most.
I was a baby and then a toddler and a little girl who grew into a teenager and then a young woman to my stage in life of this article, 40.
To feel unaccepted by ones most cherished possession on earth, my family, is to be a slave to another mans opinion. A slave for 40 years, I was living in a desert with chains around my throat, unable to have an opinion against another immediate member of the tribe. Unable to fairly allow them to see their accountability in any conflict.
Which brings me to Conflict Resolution, which basically means when things are going down with each other, bad vibes, boundaries, we don’t ‘react’, we ‘resolve’. My role model for conflict was from my parents. You didn’t speak to each other for 24hrs or more until one backed down and you sorted it out in the middle of the night, I always woke up.
I can imagine that little girl and the confusion of relaying messages between parents until they ‘conflict resolved’. That little girl had so many many more experiences and memories of SHAME.
Our children are so precious, and yet we miss their intelligence and our responsibility of understanding the many ways they may perceive what we say and do. As parents we are their World their King and Queen, their GOD. Only slaves are shamed and made to be submissive.
This brings me to submissiveness, or what I like to call COMPLIANCE. Back in the day, and maybe today still in the old energy of absolute discipline (discipline without reason or choice) REBELLION was the word used to describe the souls who knew where they were going even if it didn’t look like it.
A parent who claims to love their child but SHAMES them when they will not comply with their rules needs some training. Even at 61.
You may have gathered I have finally pulled the root out from my side and come to the wholeness of myself and have had to let go in my heart, my cherished family. Many times both by them and myself over the years I have been separated due to issues. I take my part in it all and that in a way is how I feel by letting them go as well, to be free.
I admit to being hypersensitive, however for me to break free from my cacoon and become that beautiful Butterfly who is free to be my potential without ongoing subtle attack requires “courage to change the things I can”.
I bless and admire all of you who can take the triggers from a shameful youth from your loved ones, I tried. “Water off a ducks back’ requires something I don’t have when it comes to the ones who can hurt me the most.
I am loving and caring for myself and I think them as well…
All I know is I feel a peace and freedom not yet felt before…
I sense a personal breakthrough in all areas of my life…